Dear Livy — one year

My sweet Livy:

It has been one year since you entered the world and changed our hearts forever. Since the day you arrived on the planet, you have been a symbol, for me, of love, peace, and light. I felt that the first day in the hospital and I feel it now. Sometimes I think my job as your mother is to make sure I help Livy keep her Livy-ness.

In the past two months you have learned to crawl, stand up tall, and take some assisted steps. You're not yet cruising furniture but you do try to stand up in the middle of the floor. It looks like you're doing the downward facing dog pose in yoga, and I'm sure one day you are just going to push up into a stand and fall over. You are flexible and fast, and I am in no rush for you to walk because it's fun to watch you explore the world as a crawler.

I've been anxiously waiting to see which toys you develop a passion for and the clear winner seems to be dolls. You absolutely light up with joy when you are holding a doll baby and then hug them, bounce them on your knee, and kiss their faces. You get really excited if I change their clothes or put something on them like a diaper or sunglasses.  You also really love animals, including real-life dogs especially. 

In fact, your first three words were "Dada," "Mama," and "doggie" — in that order. You also say "hi" and wave your hand at people with a smile. I've also heard you say "baby" and other "B" words but I'm not sure yet if you're using them with conviction. You are VERY verbal and babble and practice new noises all the time. I frequently listen to you in your crib blowing raspberries with your lips and singing. 

At your one year well-visit this week, you were 31 inches long and weighed almost 24 lbs. which puts you in the 85th percentile across the board. You are my strong, capable girl! You still have the strikingly beautiful blue eyes you had in the hospital, and I'm guessing they're here to stay.   

You've also got the prettiest little head of chestnut brown hair. I am probably not the best mama when it comes to making your hair look well-coiffed. You often look like a rock star who just trashed a hotel room. But occasionally you will sit still long enough for me to put a pigtail or bow in your hair. 

Some of my favorite things you currently do:

• laugh whenever somebody around you laughs
• pet the doggie (Sophie) whenever she is beside you, which is a lot
• wiggle your hips and dance whenever music is on
• squeal with delight when brother splashes you in the bathtub

Food is still something you excel at, if that's a thing. If there were baby awards for eating you would surely get a blue ribbon. You love to try new things and seem to savor the taste of each food. Without exception, you eat everything we eat and especially love fruit and vegetables. You have started to use spoons and forks and are eating off a plate instead of the table. You've also mastered the use of a sippy cup.

You are sleeping through the night consistently for 12 hours. We put you down around 6:30/7 PM and you wake up around 7 AM. You are transitioning from two naps a day to one. And you still share a bedroom with Hank — it's so cute to listen to you guys "talk" to each other in your room at night. 

We had a small party at our house for your birthday and you were the cutest, most adorable birthday girl that ever lived. You opened presents like a champ and loved every single one of them. We were somewhat surprised when you daintily ate your cake instead of diving right in. It might have had something to do with the crown you were wearing at the time. 

Happy Birthday, sweet girl. Mama loves you so much — forever and no matter what.

photo by Christie Rackley Photography

Smash cake by MoMo

Dear Livy — 10 months

Little Livy Rose:

You are just a few days shy of being 10 months old. Since my track record for getting your monthly letters done is a bit shy of perfect, I'm doing this one early for good measure. My inability to keep up with letter-writing is parallel to how inexplicably fast your little life is going through my lens. 

Right before my eyes you are turning from baby to toddler. It is, at once, thrilling and bittersweet. I sometimes get weepy thinking this is the littlest my littlest one will be. But those moments don't last long, because it's far too exciting to see you moving, babbling, and exploring your way into toddler-dom.  

You are about a hot minute away from crawling. I keep thinking today will be the day, but you keep teetering on the edge of doing it. You get up on all fours and rock back and forth. And you lunge at things. It's just a matter of time before your mind and body figure it out and then we'll all be chasing after you.

Babbling is still one of your favorite pastimes and you get into heated discussions with people who have no idea what you're saying. That doesn't seem to bother you at all. There aren't many English words coming out yet (Dada is still a favorite) but I have no doubt that your fiery spirit will one day be heard.

Some of my favorite things that you do:

• flap your arms excitedly and laugh when you're happy
• "clap" with one hand (opening and closing your fingers)
• lunge for objects on the table and surprise everyone with how far you can reach
• get excited when the doggie comes near you
• close your eyes and make adorable squeals and ahhhhhs when brother gives you hugs and kisses

You are eating solid foods like a champ — we've pretty much started giving you anything and everything that we're eating. You rarely choke or gag and can even put away a fair amount of meat. One day I gave you a big piece of chicken to suck on and was surprised when you ate the whole thing. Not bad for a girl with only two teeth. You love food and love the process of eating meals with people around you.

Eating more solids has led to sleeping for longer periods at night. You are currently waking up 1-2 times at night to eat and going right back to sleep. You go to bed around 6:30 PM and wake up around 7 AM. You are my happy morning girl, which is good because brother and daddy are not as fun to be around in the morning.

A few weeks ago we stopped breastfeeding. It was definitely not planned and happened sooner than I anticipated. We were all sick for almost 2 months, and a medication I was taking affected my milk supply without me knowing it. But you transitioned to formula with ease and I've enjoyed seeing daddy and others get to feed you more often. You aren't so snuggly during feedings anymore and often kick and push so hard that we find it difficult to keep you contained with one arm. There's just too much going on for you to sit still for long. The one exception to that is your middle-of-the-night feeding where you are sleepy and calm. I drink up those moments with you, knowing too well how numbered they are.

At your last pediatrician visit you were 28 inches long (75th percentile) and 20 lbs. (70th percentile). It's time to move you from your infant car seat to the big girl car seat you got for Christmas. And I am packing away clothes that you are outgrowing at an alarming rate. Good thing your mama loves to shop for you and brother.

Some of your favorite things:

• being outside
• avocados and guacamole
• bread
• the dog
• music + dancing
• bath time (with brother splashing you)

Livy-girl, my crazy, sweet soul who brightens up the world around her — I couldn't possibly love you more. Thank you for filling our days with light, love and the sweetest cheeks that ever existed.

Yours,
Mama

Dear Livy — 8 months

Livy-girl:

My beautiful star, you are officially an upright human. You spend much of your day sitting and standing, playing with toys and being social. I really love this stage — it marks the end of the smooshy-baby era and the beginning of you being a little person. I love seeing your little body wiggle and hop with excitement. You light up when people talk to you and especially when brother Hank stops to give you affection. You also spend a good bit of time vocalizing your thoughts from the sitting position. It cracks me up because I imagine you bossing us all around. 

I think talking might be your superpower. You love to chat the day away and make quite the variety of sounds. Your favorite thing to say is Dada (and you say it frequently to your actual Dada). You would think mama would be jealous, but I actually love more than anything seeing your father beam when you say it. He is enchanted with you.

You recently got your first tooth. Bottom middle, barely noticeable to the naked eye, but easily felt with a swipe of the finger. You haven't let a lack of teeth get in your way of eating real food, though. We switched exclusively to finger foods because you refused to be spoon-fed anymore. You much prefer controlling your own food, thank you. We started slow but now we pretty much give you anything we're eating that you won't choke on. Big foods that you gnaw on like carrots and celery and apples, and little finger foods that you can swallow. It's a lot of fun to see what you like. Some of your favorites are dried apricots, prunes, sweet potato "fries", crackers, waffles with cream cheese, and broccoli. You also still nurse frequently though you are starting to get distracted by what's going on around you. 

You're getting close to crawling but haven't figured it out yet. You do manage to move around like a slug. If I put you down and turn away, you are always in a different spot when I look back. You are super-curious and will grab anything and everything that's within reach. 

You were sleeping great until a few weeks ago when a cold and ear infection got you down and you started waking up every two hours at night. Mama has been exhausted, but I also know that these long nights won't last forever. I take it upon myself to kiss those cheeks at every feeding knowing that someday you'll be too busy to stop and let me do it. You take two lovely long naps during the day which I am very thankful for. I use your nap time to get things done or to spend some quality one-on-one time with your brother. 

Playtime is getting more and more fun. Your favorite toys are the Little People Farm and a picnic basket shape sorter that Grandma got you for Christmas. You also like playing with and talking to the dog. She really loves you, which makes your mama all sentimental at least once a day.

It makes me smile when you:

• "yell" at the TV because you think it's talking to you
• lay your head on my neck and play with my earrings and hair when you're tired
• whisper when I put your mouth near my ears
• wiggle your toes and play with the fabric of my shirt while you're nursing

I love you so much, Livy. I'm so excited to see your big personality showing up more and more everyday.

Your biggest fan,
Mama

Dear Livy — 6 months

My dearest Livypants:

My apologies for being a little late writing your 6 month letter. You have been keeping me on my toes, baby girl. I still insist that you are an easygoing and happy baby, but the past month was a bit trying at times. I think you were going through some sort of growth spurt and at times it felt like you were draining the life out of me. But it's worth it if it means you are turning into my little Hulkamaniac. (It's weird to write that knowing you will likely never know who Hulk Hogan is.)

Probably the most exciting thing for you this month was trying new foods. You've been eating cereal, purees, and some finger foods. It's touch and go — some times I get you all buckled in your seat only to have you refuse to open your mouth, but other times you gobble down whatever I give you and get mad if the spoon doesn't come to your mouth fast enough. I am, admittedly, tickled pink that you seem to prefer my homemade baby food over the jar stuff. It's likely just a coincidence but I will take it as a compliment. I always offer you a puree and a finger food during meals, and while you aren't 100% consistent in getting finger foods up to your mouth you are definitely getting the hang of your pincer grasp.

You developed a somewhat quirky and hilarious habit this month. When you get angry, you blow raspberries while you're crying. It's a little hard to take you seriously, you know? Daddy and I find ourselves laughing at you which probably isn't the reaction you're hoping for. I think it's adorable and I hope I always remember you doing it.

We've also learned that you don't like when people get too close to your face too soon. You seem to have a sensitivity to people getting up in your face, like the little old ladies at the grocery store who mean well but often make you cry. Once you've warmed up to somebody though, you are fine to snuggle in close. 

You remind me of a little roly poly pill bug the way you roll around on the floor, grabbing your feet and rolling around on your back. You are beyond obsessed with your feet and have the same hyper-flexibility that your Daddy and brother do, passed down from several generations. You are also very expressive with your hands and fingers and are always waving them around and watching them intently. Anytime you catch a glance from one of us while doing this, you smile so wide and it completely melts our hearts.

I am so very lucky to have two children who love to cuddle. Every night after bath, I lotion you up, dress you and feed you. And then we have some snuggle time together while brother and Daddy join us in the big bed for story time. It doesn't matter what else has happened that day, or how stressed I am about what's going on in the world, in those moments I know joy and bliss and I feel like the luckiest mama on the earth. 

During wakeful times you are as chatty as ever. Daddy and I have both heard you say "mama" and "dada". I'm not sure if that's even possible yet, but I guess when you're babbling constantly eventually some real words are going to come out. The little sounds and noises you make bring a lot of laughter to our whole family.

Still no teeth, but I keep saying that they're coming. You are drooling like a basset hound.

Oh Livy. I didn't know you were missing from our lives until you got here, and now I just can't imagine what life would be like without you. I can't imagine not seeing Hank light up every day when he notices how cute you are. Or says, "Baaa-by. Hap-py!" and hugs, er, tackles you on the floor. You are so uniquely you and yet you fit into our family like a puzzle piece that makes everything feel whole and complete. 

I love you so much my little star,
Mama

Dear Livy — 5 months

My sweet girl:

It's been said that the first 3 months of a baby's life are like the "fourth trimester" — that human babies should still be in the womb but emerge early due to our large brains. Then, something magical happens around the 4–5 month mark where our squishy babies start to be little upright humans. This transformation has definitely happened with you over the last month! 

You are sitting up (albeit a bit wobbly), rolling over both ways, grasping for objects, and babbling like crazy. You also love to pass the time by looking at your hands in amazement. It looks like you are casting spells the way you twirl your hands around and watch them. You remind me that, wow, hands really are incredible.

You still have the sweetest, smiliest little personality. We'll be out and about and people will take a peek at you and be presented with the gift of your smile. I love seeing their reactions. You have a way of lighting up the space around you.

Occasionally you have your freak out moments and scream your head off, and you definitely have cranky moments in the evening like most babies do (parents call this the "witching hour"). When these things happen you are usually made calm again by being walked around or taken outside.  

Probably the thing that surprises me the most about you is how talkative you are. I don't remember your brother ever babbling the way you do at such a young age. Sometimes it sounds like you are speaking in complete sentences, with facial expressions to go along with your stories. It is the most entertaining thing in the world to watch you do this. 

You still love big brother Hank and watch him in a way that you do nobody else. You give him your full, rapt attention. He loves to be on the other side of your watchful eyes. He is very loving and kind with you, and only occasionally forgets to be gentle. And you don't even flinch when he runs his trucks and toys around you and over you.

This past month was busy for us as we did some of our first long-range travel as a family of four. We traveled to Elysburg, PA for you and your brother's first trip to Knoebels Grove. You were so easy-going and happy as a clam as long as we were outside and you could look around. Then we traveled to Jersey Shore for a few days to visit Nana and Papa's house where you entertained visitors. Overall you were an excellent traveler and pretty much stuck to your schedule/routine no matter where we were.

You had a checkup at the pediatrician today (your 4 month checkup, though you were 5 months old). You weighed almost 16 lbs. (60th percentile), were 26 inches long (80th percentile), and had a head circumference of 43 cm (88th percentile). You are growing and thriving so well, and we got the go ahead to start solid foods.

You still nap 3-4 times a day and sleep for 12 hours at night. You get up twice during the night to eat (around 1 AM and 5 AM) and have gotten very efficient at nursing, often taking only 5-10 minutes to eat. You are not much of a comfort nurser — if I try to feed you when you aren't hungry you get very mad at me. I like that you are all business!

Even though you're the newest member of our family, I absolutely cannot imagine our life without you in it. Being your mama has brought a fullness and richness to my existence here on earth that fills me with honor and gratitude. 

Love you baby girl,
Mama

Dear Livy — 8 weeks

My sweet Livy:

Today you are 8 weeks old. But it feels like you've been a part of our family forever. Someday you will understand what that's like — to meet someone and feel like you've known them forever. I thought that having a baby for the second time would somehow feel less magical, less awe-inspiring, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Your coming into the world was every kind of wonderful.

You were born on May 28, 2014 at UPMC Hamot Women's Hospital in Erie, PA near the bay of Lake Erie. I had a scheduled Cesarean delivery which went about as fabulously as a surgery can go. I even joked with the anestheiologist that it felt like I was at a spa. I fell asleep on the table while they were stitching me up. Little did I know that this peaceful, relaxing feeling was an indicator of your way of being.

You are peaceful and easy-going and calm most of the time. Being our second born baby, I know that part of it is that I am more relaxed and confident. But most of it has to do with who you are. During wakeful times you are bright-eyed and curious and smiley. You smiled while we were still at the hospital! When you get upset you do get full-bore mad and angry, but you are quick to calm down again once your needs are met.

Breastfeeding was easy with you from the start. We were reunited after the birth pretty quickly and you were able to latch on strongly right away. It only took about two weeks for us to get through the early bumpiness of our breastfeeding relationship. You are one of those rare and amazing babies who sleeps for longer periods at night and is a more active eater during the day. Right now you wake up 1-2 times a night to eat (usually just 1) and eat every 2-3 hours during the daytime. I'm a lucky mama!

Your big brother Hank wasn't quite sure what to make of you at first, but once he realized you were a real person and not an animated doll he became warm and affectionate with you. Every day he smiles at you and gives you kisses and calls you "baby" in the cutest way. I love seeing him put his hand on your back and kiss your head. He also likes to rock you in the rocker and brings you a pacifier when you need one. Big brother loves to be helpful, and he loves you.

You go everywhere with us — to the playground and swimming and shopping and out to eat — without much fussing. You love being in the Ergo carrier but kind of hate the car seat. We hated to hear you cry in the car so we found a way to put a swaddle in your car seat around the seat buckle, which has really made car trips more peaceful for you. 

Physically you are SO active and strong. You were holding your head up from the start and continue to shock me with how much strength you have in your neck. I even had to figure out a different solution for giving you baths because you would throw yourself around in the infant tub so much that I couldn't keep you under control with one hand. So now we just use a foam bath mat in the big tub and you are free to thrash around as you please. You generally like bath time and only occasionally scream your head off during it.

I love you so much, Livy. You have brought such a warmness and peacefulness to our family that feels so balanced and right. I have a daughter. And something about that makes me feel humble and important and excited. 

Kissing your nose, because that always makes you smile.

Mama

Dear Hank — one year

My sweet boy, Hank:

There is a lump in my throat today and tears just waiting to erupt at the slightest nudge from my heart — a heart that is so full as I think back on what life was like one year ago today. My heart swelled that day and enveloped you with the sweetest, purest kind of love. A mother's love. I became a mama that day, your Mama, and I felt for the first time what it was like to love someone so completely and openly that nothing and nobody could shake it. 

Yep, now I'm in tears. 

*sigh, gulp, smile* 

Today I see a boy who is kind, and affectionate, and contemplative. You seem to listen with your eyes, your ears, and your whole self. When you love something your whole face lights up and you vibrate with excitement. Then you'll look back at me like, "Are you seeing this too?!" and I am reminded of how amazing and wonderful the world really is. 

This month was a busy one for us. We made fun summer memories with your cousins Alex, Jake, and McKenzie. We've had lots of little adventures with family, like trips to the pool, the park, the zoo, the beach, the frozen yogurt shop, and the mall. And of course lots of naps sprinkled in there too.

We also started a baby music class on Wednesdays. At first you were a little shy being there, but it didn't take long for you to laugh and giggle and jump up and down with excitement. You love the sing-alongs and playing peek-a-boo with the silky scarves. Mommy loves that she can see your face when it's under the scarf and you think no one can see you. It just might be the cutest thing ever.

You are still doing the army crawl a lot, but will crawl on your hands and knees when you only have a short distance to go. You also pull yourself up on things all the time. You're still a little shaky on your legs, but it won't be long before you are standing and walking.

If I blink too long you are across the room and bolting toward whatever in the room is unsafe. Like scissors. Or the dog's icky tennis balls. Or anything else you aren't supposed to have. Lately you've been taking your toys over to the dog's water dish and throwing them in. Maybe you think you're taking them to the pool?! You also LOVE to play with Grandma and Opa's kitten, Allie. You know just how to use her toys to get her to play. And you often do this with a serious look on your face, like a professional Las Vegas cat wrangler.   

You love to play with junk mail. We give you a pile of papers and you are content and excited for a good 20-30 minutes. You have also become quite good at entertaining yourself for longer periods of time. As long as we are close by, you are usually happy to just play with your toys and talk baby gibberish while we look on. Of course we still join you for play time, and read lots of books together. You still love the interactive books like lift-the-flaps and books with textures.

Mealtime is an adventure for you. You love most foods and have a healthy appetite. Yes, there are days when you hardly eat a bite. But we don't stress about it. We offer you a variety of foods and let you choose what you eat. You are even using a spoon now and — I have to say — you're pretty darn good at getting it in your mouth most of the time. We have given up on trying to spoon feed you ourselves because you would much rather do it on your own. This also means I am now mopping the floor nightly.

In two days you will eat your first cake, blow out your first candle (maybe), and hear dozens of people singing you Happy Birthday for the first time. I hope you don't get scared and start crying. But mostly I hope that you feel all of the love coming your way. Because you are very, very loved.

Happy Birthday, my star.

Love,
Mama

Dear Hank — eleven months

Little Hank: 

Today you are 11 months old. 11 months. As in — almost one. My baby is on the brink of toddlerhood, and I am an emotional mama. I'm thrilled to see you changing so fast everyday, and also a teensy weensy bit sad that my once tiny baby is becoming a little boy. Don't worry though — your mama wouldn't hold you back for anything. 

You are officially a boy in motion. You are still doing somewhat of an "army crawl," but you can move across the room that way faster than lightning. I don't know if you will get up on your hands and knees eventually, or if you will just keep doing the worm and move on to walking. You move from sitting to crawling and crawling to sitting with ease, and you can even pull yourself up on things and cruise for a few steps on your feet.   

You love anything with wheels on it — cars, trucks, construction vehicles, even boats and planes. And you know how to play with them, using your hands to make them zip across the floor (instead of just putting them into your mouth like you used to do). The Fisher-Price® Little People® are also a favorite of yours. We make up stories with them and pretend they are your friends and family who we don't get to see very often. It helps us feel close to them.

You waving in the Lawrence Park Fourth of July parade.

More than anything though, you love being around people. We take you out to restaurants, playdates, story-times, sing-alongs, and all kinds of places so you can watch people. You even rode in a parade with your daddy and his boss on July 4. You smiled and waved at everyone the whole time. Mommy was afraid you might be afraid of all of the loud noises and people, but you were as cool as a cucumber. I am always saying you have a legion of devoted minions, but now it's becoming clear that you really do!

This month was full of many other firsts for you. You had your first trip to the beach at Presque Isle with Nana and Papa AND Grandma and Opa. You had your first frozen yogurt (blueberry with no added sugar) which you couldn't get enough of. We also went out on Opa's boat for your first boat ride. We zoomed across Edinboro Lake and you loved it. You enjoyed chewing on your life jacket, too.

Food-wise, we've been enjoying the fresh fruits of summer. You LOVE the fresh-picked cherries that Grandma and Opa brought home. You are also a big fan of blueberries and watermelon. You've still only got two teeth, but you manage to chew a lot of finger foods with those toofers. I still grind up a few things to spoon feed you, but lately you prefer to feed yourself most of the time.  I know right away if you don't like something because you throw it down to your (anxiously waiting) doggie. 

We have a lot more memories to make before your first birthday. You make the world a more exciting, more joyous place where ever you go. And I couldn't be more proud to be your mama.

A dozen cheek kisses,
Mommy

Dear Hank — ten months

My little bug boy: 

You are growing up so fast that I am more than a week late in writing this! Gone are the days when I could take my eyes off of you for a few moments. You are mobile — not quite crawling yet, but worming and wriggling yourself around and not far away from figuring out how to get up on those hands and knees. We've been working toward this for so long that I can't even tell you how happy and proud it makes me. Whereas once you were far too cautious and stubborn to even spend a minute or two on your tummy, now you are confidently navigating the world that way for much of your wakeful time, and even sleeping on your belly, too. We have turned a corner, and mommy and daddy have some child-proofing to do.

Your personality is blossoming as quickly as your gross motor skills. You have a few signature moves, including: 

• rotating your hands and wrists with your arms out (or "casting spells" as daddy calls it)
• bouncing up and down with a big smile on your face, accompanied by an ear-piercing shriek
• scrunching up your shoulders while you flash someone a smile, kind of like an "aw shucks"

When it comes to fine motor skills, you are as advanced as ever. You love to play with zippers, buttons, and necklaces when people are holding you. You pick up and eat all kinds of finger foods with ease. And you love to play with the little tags and details on all of your toys. I often imagine you putting this attention to detail to good use someday, maybe as a surgeon, or one of those artists that paints the alphabet on a grain of rice. ;) 

Buddy, you are my cuddlebug. You love when people sing to you, it is usually the surest way to calm you down if you're crying. You are a bit empathic, reading and taking on the feelings of those around you.  I love how you love the world. And the love and joy I feel from you makes my heart swell bigger than I ever thought it could. We are like a reciprocating love machine around here.

Dada is still your favorite thing to say. I'm still waiting to hear you say "mama" for the first time. I may explode. You also say lots of vowel sounds and the "Ga" sound. Usually you are either quietly taking in the world around you or chatting up a storm and shrieking.  I wonder if you will be a chatterbox like me, or more quiet like your daddy.

A couple of weeks ago, I weaned you from breastfeeding and we switched to bottles and formula. After about a month of me dealing with you biting — and trying everything to get you to stop — I finally waved the white flag. I miss our quiet nursing sessions more than you do, I think. But I don't have any regrets. I loved every moment of breastfeeding (well, after the first 6 weeks). But I love bottle-feeding you, too. Now you are close enough that I can kiss your head, which I admittedly do throughout your feedings. 

You are eating Gerber Good Start Gentle formula with Dr. Brown's bottles. You eat three meals of solids a day, both purees and finger foods, though most of your purees have some texture to them now. Some of your new favorites are zucchini muffins, ground meats with veggies or sweet potatoes, and lemons and dill pickles. You have quite the adventurous palate. 

Life is changing fast for us as we approach your first birthday. While I sometimes wish I could keep you little forever, those moments are quickly followed by an overwhelming sense of excitement and gratitude for the little boy you're becoming. I often think every age and stage you go through is my favorite, but I think that's just an indication of how in love with you I am.

Squeezy hugs, 
Mama

Nutritious Nuggets for Your Little Nugget

There is an innate drive within every mama to feed her young. It occupies more of my brain than I ever thought possible — this obsession with every little ounce of nutrition that Hank gets. Now that he's eating solids and finger foods, it's so much fun to make food for him and see him try new foods. 

This recipe came to me from my friend Audrey, who is also a mom to a little boy (a little older than Hank). I made these for Hank but ended up eating about half of the batch myself — they were that good! He ate two of them happily and I froze the rest to pull out as needed and heat up in the toaster oven.

falafel chickpea nuggets

Drain and rinse 1 can of chickpeas (garganzo beans) and mash with a pastry blender.

In a food processor, finely chop 1/2 of an onion, some fresh or dried parsley, and 1 clove of garlic. 

Blend the onion mixture with the mashed chickpeas. 

In a separate bowl, combine: 

• 1 egg*
• 1 tsp. cumin
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1 dash pepper
• 1 tsp. lemon juice
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1 T. olive oil

Then combine with the chickpea mixture.

Slowly mix in 3/4 cup whole wheat breadcrumbs. 

Shape the chickpea dough into nuggets by rolling balls of dough and then flattening them between the palms of your hand. Heat some olive oil in a skillet and pan fry the nuggets, draining on a paper towel. 

*Note: children under 1 can have reactions to the proteins in egg whites, so use caution especially if food allergies run in your family. Use 2 egg yolks in place of the whites if necessary. 

recipe adapted from superhealthykids.com 

Dear Hank — nine months

My dear Hank:​

​Can we just stop time for a little while? Just hold on to the way you are right now for a bit longer? I know each age and stage of parenting has its joys and struggles, but I'm really enjoying you right now. 

One of the most exciting changes this month is that you got your first tooth! Your bottom center tooth on the left came up first, and It looks like the one right beside it will be coming up soon. You have been drooling and teething for quite a while, so it's very exciting to see that little pointy tooth in there.

You've also started really playing with your toys instead of just putting everything into your mouth. It's so fun to watch you examine and discover ways of touching, feeling and manipulating things. From the big stuff in your toy box to a little tiny morsel of ground beef in your food, you are so curious and observant. ​

You love playing with just about anything, but you do have some favorite toys, like:

1. A little Cobbler's Bench that was your Daddy's toy when he was little (a gift from his Papas). You love the hammer especially.
2. Karen Katz lift-the-flap books.
3. Anything musical, especially this baby orchestra set by Hohner Kids.
4. These Fisher-Price Lil Zoomer Safari Speedsters.

You have started to mimic gestures and sounds, though not really mastering any of them yet. You will wave your hand hello or goodbye, but you aren't quite sure what it means yet — except that all of the adults in your life do it with giant silly grins on their faces whenever somebody comes or goes. You also say, "Da-da-da-da-da-da" a lot, and have even said "dada" to your daddy a few times. But we're not completely sure you are doing it intentionally yet. ​

We've been working so hard on getting you to crawl, but you're not convinced you want to do it yet. You bounce when you're sitting and lean forward onto your hands, but haven't taken that plunge ahead yet. For now, I'm trying to enjoy your non-mobility while it lasts, because I know you won't always stay where I put you!

We are still living at Grandma and Opa's house, trying to sell our house in Bellefonte and find a house here in Erie/Edinboro. Sometimes we grow very impatient with how long the process is taking, but we remind ourselves how lucky we all are that you get to spend all this time with your grandparents — and they get to see your smiles every morning. You always have a smile for everyone and it is truly heart-melting.​

You are still breastfeeding. Daytime feedings can be a challenge as you are more interested in playing and looking around. I've learned that I need to give you something to play with or sing you songs throughout your feedings to get you to stay latched on. At night though, you are content to just eat while I rub your back and legs, and you look up at me and rub my arm. These moments are more precious to me than all of the gold in the world. ​

At your 9 month well visit this month, you:​

• weighed 17.9 lbs (15th percentile)
• were 26 inches long (3rd percentile)
• had a head circumference of 46.5 cm (85th percentile) 

We have dropped some night feedings, though you still get up at least once a night to eat. You go to bed around 6 PM and wakeup around 6:30 AM. You also take two naps a day totaling about 3 hours on a good day. ​

Mealtimes with solid foods are so much fun. You love feeding yourself and it's such a thrill to watch you discover foods. We usually have one puree (prunes, applesauce, yogurt, etc.) with each meal and then at least one thing that you can feed yourself. In the morning it's waffles with coconut butter and fruit, or a bowl of oatmeal. Lunch and dinner vary week to week, but some of your new favorites are cod and spinach, avocados covered in cheerio dust, and pasta with bolognese sauce. If I had to say what your favorite foods are I would go with waffles and sweet potatoes — you always gobble those things up quickly with a happy face.

​I like to think you're a Mama's boy but the truth is, you're pretty obsessed with your Daddy. If he's in the room you're always fascinated by what he's doing, and to this day nobody can make you laugh like he can. It is one of the great joys of my life to watch your relationship with him unfold. He still gives you a bath every night and takes care of you in so many ways. Mommy is very lucky.

Speaking of baths, you went through a phase this month where you pooped in the bathtub every night for a week! ​We had quite a few laughs about this and thought maybe you had developed a quirky new habit, but thankfully you stopped doing it. Little buddy, you are always keeping us on our toes.

​I can't wait to spend the summer with you and Daddy going to the park, playing in the grass, getting books from the library, swimming at Presque Isle, and visiting our friends and family. You make everything a fun adventure.

I couldn't love you more,​
​Mama

Dear Hank — eight months

Little Hankster:

I feel as if we are in the most beautiful transition of time. You are still my little baby but you are on the brink of boyhood. Not quite talking yet (though you do make lots of sounds) and not quite mobile yet (other than scooting around your crib). I am drinking in these days knowing that they are numbered and our lives will change very soon.

You change so much from minute to minute. Sometimes I look at you and marvel at how little you are, later the same day I will remark to your Dad how big you feel in my arms when I nurse you. It's a wild period that we're in. In fact, I had a hard time choosing which photograph best represents you this month. Is it that innocent cherubic baby up above? Or the boy below who knows a little more than he lets on? I am in love with the many facets of you.

Some of my favorite things that you've been doing lately:

• the occasional perfectly-dramatic sigh
• staring intensely at people (this one is especially entertaining when you do it to strangers who come up to us in public, often staring at them to the point that they feel unsettled, at which point you will break into a smile like "gotcha!")
• shaking your head "no" anytime I go anywhere near your nose (mama is a little OCD about you sometimes)

Food has been the focus this month, as we transitioned from purees to solids and you started feeding yourself more and more. It is such a thrill to watch you put food in your mouth, taste it, and chew it. I am mesmerized by it. We often give you little bits of whatever we're eating, and keep certain foods around for your daily meals and snacks.

Some of your favorites:

• oat toast with white bean hummus
• peach yogurt
• sweet potato "fries" (baked with some olive oil)
• steamed apples
• puffs (which have helped you with your pincer grasp)

You still nurse 8 times a day, including 3 times during the night. You haven't quite learned to multitask yet so you still get distracted during your daytime feedings. I've taken to nursing you in the dark, quiet bedroom so that you actually eat instead of flailing your arms and head around every time a noise or movement occurs. You are always my curious little guy.

You sit up like a champ and will sometimes even lay back with your elbows propping you up. Your muscles are strong and you are lean. I love kissing your cheeks because they are the chubbiest part on you! We are working on getting you to crawl by spending more time on your tummy, reaching forward for things, and staying propped up on your arms. You have the ability to do all of these things but you are NOT a fan of it. At all. We had an appointment with a physical therapist at Shriner's Hospital for Children so we could learn how to challenge you to stay on your tummy and work on crawling. Developmentally you are quite capable, but you are very strong-willed and resistant to being on your tummy. It may have something to do with the reflux you had as an infant. No matter what the reason, I have no doubt that you will eventually crawl and will then move on to walking (probably 2 days later).

My days with you are filled with your sweet affection, your silly faces, your crazy talk, and watching your little eyes as they take in the world. There are times when I miss taking long showers, or sleeping through the night, or concentrating on anything for any length of time. But I consider myself truly lucky that I am at your service. You are the most demanding boss I've ever had, but you give the world's greatest hugs.

Love you, to the moon and back, times a million.

Mama

Dear Hank — seven months

My Baby Hank:

As I write this you are sitting in your Jumperoo bouncing around like a crazy orangutan. And I absolutely love it. I love how crazy you are and I love the joy I feel while watching you jump.

This month, you were engaged and engaging. You watch everything we do with quiet contemplation, and you charm the pants off of everybody you see. You babble and squeal pretty regularly now, and while I don't know what you are saying I can tell with certainty that it's very important to you. I always listen intently. I hope you know that I will always listen to you.

You now sit up regularly with ease, not needing any assistance except for when you occasionally topple over. Your little hands have become quite adept at grabbing and holding things, but we are still working on that pincer grasp which you haven't quite mastered yet. I never knew a guy who liked to suck on his feet so much, but I admit I am a little envious of how flexible you are — a trait you have inherited from your father, I think.

At your 6 month checkup, you weighed 15 lbs. 9 oz. — more than double your birth weight, which is wonderful. I suspect you weigh more than 16 lbs. now, probably closer to 17 lbs. You wear size 3 diapers. And you graduated to a big boy car seat instead of the infant carrier seat you were in since birth. You wear size 6-12 month clothing, though some of it is still a little big on you.

Solid foods have been a joy for you to explore. We try one new food a week, and you usually make a face at first and are a bit skeptical, but by the third bite or so we have you convinced. You are not a fan of plain avocado, but you have acquired a taste for the guacamole at Chipotle.

Some foods you love:

• sweet potatoes (still your favorite)
• peas
• mangos
• yogurt
• puffs
• pear juice (mixed with water)

You also eat prunes sometimes to get the pipes moving. We had to stop giving you bananas because they seemed to constipate you. We'll keep trying things in the future as your palette and tolerance changes.

Just this past week, I stopped breastfeeding you and started pumping and giving you expressed breastmilk. You were so distracted and curious while eating that you weren't nursing long enough during the day. I only planned to pump for a day or two to see how much you were getting, but you don't seem to care how you get your milk so we are going to continue with the pump and feed method for a while. It is extra work for me, but I have the peace of mind of knowing you are getting what you need.

You still sleep from 6 PM to 7 AM, waking up twice to feed in the middle of the night at 11 PM and 4 AM (roughly). We are transitioning from 3 naps a day to 2 naps, and I'm hoping you nap longer and more consistently because of that. A 2-nap schedule will give us more freedom during the day to go out and about, which you love and it also keeps your mama from going crazy.

We joined the local YMCA this month and you spend an hour or so in their childcare area while mama gets her fitness on. I was worried about leaving you with a stranger, even for a short time. But on the first day I came back to find you flirting with 3 ladies who were all ooohing and ahhhing over you. I think you might have the social graces of a Bill Clinton or George Clooney.

My favorite moments of the day are still when you have your arms wrapped around my neck. It's usually when you are very tired and I'm carrying you off to bed, and you will take your tiny hands and rub my neck or tug on my earring. There is nothing sweeter. I hope when I am an old lady, these are the memories that never leave me.

No matter where we go or what we do, you are my happy guy. That's not to say you never cry, because you do. But when you do it's for a reason. You do have a bit of a temper at times, and get very loud and vocal when something isn't going your way. I suspect you may have inherited some of my impatience. :)

Patience, kindness, thoughtfulness... so much to teach you, and so much to learn from you as well.

I love you, Hank.

Mama

Dear Hank — five months

Dear Hank:

I fall more in love with you everyday. Every now and then I think to myself that my heart is feeling as full as it can feel, and then you do something else that makes my heart swell. I love being your mommy. And I love knowing you.

You are 5 months old now. I look back at your newborn photos and can't believe you were ever so small. How did we ever take care of someone so tiny and fragile? I guess you were never as fragile as you seemed. Even now, I am amazed by your resilience. We have spent the past month packing up to move and traveling for the holidays. I thought the constant change might be hard on you, but you just go with the flow. I think you may have some things to teach me about that. :)

I have a little cuddlebug in you. You are so affectionate. You love to nuzzle my face and neck, and you love when I put my face close to yours and we smile at each other. You rub my arm and my breast when you are nursing. When you are upset, you hold on tight to my finger and squeeze. Even without words, you can make me feel loved.

Speaking of words, you haven't said your first word yet, but you are the chattiest little guy. You go on and on with warble-y, coo-y sounds that make no sense at all, but I am convinced you know exactly what you are saying. I love hearing your stories, even if I can't understand them yet.

You are the most curious little man. You will often sit still and watch the world around you. People will say to me frequently, "He's just taking it all in!" I like to think that someday you will be a people-watcher like Mama.

Everyday we spend time together on the floor. It should be called "tummy time" but you don't like to spend much time on your tummy. When I put you on your tummy, you get frustrated and eventually start crying. But we still try several times a day. Eventually you will figure out how to crawl, and then there will be no stopping you.

You are most happy when you are standing up, with help of course. You love being able to see everything around you like a big boy. You have the strongest little legs and sometimes you kick me so hard that it surprises me. I remember feeling those kicks when you were inside of me! Almost everyone who holds you comments on how strong you are. I wonder how you will decide to use those muscles of yours.

Some other random tidbits from this month:

1. If you get unhappy on a car ride, you will calm right down if we play rock music, like Bon Jovi or Pearl Jam.
2. You finally outgrew sleeping in your swing. You've graduated to sleeping in the Pack n Play right beside Mommy's side of the bed. Eventually we'll move you into a crib in your own room, but I don't think you (or Mommy) are ready for that yet.
3. You love when we sing "The Green Grass Grew All Around" and when Mommy makes you dance. When you read this someday, you can look up "Gangnam Style" and know that Mommy made you dance to some weird music.

I'm saving the best for last. My two favorite things that you started to do this month: giggling and reaching up. Your laugh, my goodness, your laugh is the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Daddy will kiss your belly and his beard tickles you and you go into fits of laughter. That, alone, is worth any amount of pain or sacrifice I've ever had to endure for you. I will never forget the sound of your laughter. And your arms now reach out when you want me to pick you up. Of course, I always oblige you.

Hank, I love every little morsel of your being.

Always, Mommy

Dear Hank — four months

Dear Hank:

I am writing this letter 6 days late. And that's because it's been a craaaaaazy month around here. Amidst all the craziness, you have been a happy, peaceful, content little boy.

This month we found out that your Daddy's job will have us relocating to Erie/Edinboro PA at the end of the year. Your Daddy works for the U.S. Congressman for the 5th District of Pennsylvania. They need someone to represent the Congressman in the Erie area which was added to their district this year. And because your Daddy was born and raised there, he was the best choice for the job. We've been scrambling to pack up the house and get all of our affairs in order to sell our house. There is some sadness because we are moving away from the people we love here, but we are also moving close to your Grandma and Opa and Momo, which we are very excited about. There is also lots of fun stuff for a little boy to explore in Erie, including a zoo, a lake with lots of beaches, and an indoor water park.

This month was also crazy because your Mama had a HUGE work project going on. I worked with a company called Johnson & Johnson on a TEDx event. I coached speakers in developing TED Talks — "the talk of their life" — and I designed their presentations. I had 19 speakers to work with so I was a busy, busy lady. And during that time your Grandma, your Nana, your Aunt Stacey, and your Daddy all made sure you were well cared for and loved. I missed you so much at times when I had to be away during the day. And I would work after you went to bed and early in the morning while you were sleeping. You and Daddy came with me to Jersey City, NJ for the event and stayed in the hotel most of the time. During dress rehearsals Mommy was so busy that Daddy brought you to the Liberty Science Center so Mama could feed you while she was working. You got to meet a lot of people and they were all enchanted by you. And best of all, you got to spend lots of time with Daddy who just loves to spend time with his boy. Your Daddy is an amazing husband who has and will make sacrifices so that I can do what I love. And I love that you can see him love me that way, and feel him love you that way too.

This month wasn't all about me and Daddy though. Oh no. YOU grew up so much! You went through a growth spurt and had a few nights where you were up eating every two hours. At your 4-month checkup with Dr. Collison we found out you are growing like a little lollipop. You weigh 13 lbs. 4 oz. which puts you in the 8th percentile for weight (up from 6th). You are 25 inches long, the 60th percentile for height (up from 33rd). And you are still our big-headed boy in the 88th percentile for head size (up from 77th).

Just this week you started breastfeeding more efficiently. It always took you at least an hour to nurse, but now you are done in about half an hour. This has really freed up some time for us — more time to play and do fun things together. Our favorites are singing songs together and reading books.

You love to stand up with help. You have freakishly strong neck and leg muscles for a 4 month-old. And you are very curious about the world. I love that you are content to spend a lot of time staring at things around you. Usually you do this while munching on your hands, which you are obsessed with. Instead of sucking on just a finger or a thumb, you try to put both fists in your mouth at the same time. It cracks me up.

You are quite the chatty little boy, like your Mama. You've been making coos and rahhhs and all kinds of dinosaur-like noises. And you've finally started to play with some of those toys we've had around for a while. Grabbing your O'ball, your Tigger rattle, and your Sophie the Giraffe are much more fun now that you can grasp things quite well. You don't always reach for things when they're in front of you, but you're starting to do it more and more. You are also —just— starting to laugh and giggle. It erupts every once in a while and it makes my heart explode with joy. I can't wait until you're doing it more often. I also can't wait for you to reach out your arms when I go to pick you up.

It was this time last year that your Daddy and I found out we were pregnant with you. On the morning of Christmas Eve I was feeling pretty sick. And I didn't think anything of it, but your Daddy has a pretty keen sense about things. So he went out to buy a pregnancy test. I snuck upstairs to take it while I was making pizzelles with your Grandma. And sure enough, it came up positive. I texted your Daddy a photo of the test and waited for what seemed like FOREVER for him to look at his phone as I continued to make pizzelles and he watched football. And when he saw it, we smiled at each other with tears in our eyes. You are the best Christmas present we've ever been given.

When I was at my conference, I sat behind a woman who was watching her 20-something son DJ on stage for the first time. Her face was lit up with so much love and pride. And I sat there with tears streaming down my face thinking of you, and how someday you will be making me that proud. In fact, Hank, you already do.

Love you forever, Mama

P.S. Since we were in New York City this month, I really wanted to take your 4 month picture by the Statue of Liberty. We tried, oh did we try! But it was foggy, the statue was backlit, and you were asleep. So instead I photoshopped this picture of you in front of the statue. I promise someday we'll actually take you there. :)

Dear Hank — three months

Dear Hank:

Every day I say a silent thank you to the Universe for allowing me the honor of being your mother. You are the most happy-go-lucky, laid back little guy, and your happiness is infectious.

It's been a busy month for you.

You started sleeping in our bed after we couldn't get you to stay asleep anywhere else. We tried everything! But I think you just wanted to be close to Mommy and Daddy, so we listened. A few weeks later, we started putting you to sleep in your swing again and you started sleeping through the night finally — from 10 PM til 6 AM. Now, your bedtime routine goes like this:

1. You have bath-time with Daddy.
2. Daddy puts you into your PJs and brings you to Mommy.
3. We read a book or two (or three).
4. Mommy nurses you.
5. Daddy swaddles you, puts you in your swing, sets it to high speed, and then turns on your white noise machine.

Usually within a few minutes you are fast asleep with no fussing. I love watching your eyelids as you drift off to sleep. You look so peaceful and serene that I think you must have some inkling how much you are loved. Every night I reflect on how much your little eyes have seen, and how you are processing and storing all of that new information.

You also started grabbing objects and rolling over, both in the same day! You must have eaten your Superman breakfast that morning. You can grab toys and shake them, and can roll from front to back. You have had freakishly good neck and upper body strength since the day you were born, so we weren't surprised that you started rolling early. You also have found your hands and feet. It's fun to watch you look at them and marvel when they touch and move things. Last night during bath-time, I watched you use your foot to move the washcloth around in the water. I could almost see the gears turning in your head as you realized you were making that happen. :)

You smile and coo all the time, and you also do some pretty funny grunting and yelling. I don't know what you are saying yet, but you make me and your Daddy laugh a lot with your dinosaur noises. You also get upset and fussy sometimes. Calming you down usually involves a pacifier and bouncing or jiggling with you. You also like when I sing to you. Our favorites are: You Are My Sunshine, Forever Young (by Bob Dylan), and Hush Little Baby.

At your well-visit with the doctor, we found out you are in the 6th percentile for weight, the 33rd percentile for height, and the 77th percentile for head size. So you're a little dude, kinda tall, with a big head! We love your big head and have read that it is likely to make you photogenic. Maybe the next George Clooney?

These are a few of my favorite things that you do:

• grab your ears when you're eating because you are so excited
• kick your legs and splash in the bath tub
• get really quiet and still when I brush your hair
• stretch your arms out like Superman
• nuzzle my neck after you're done eating
• smile at me while I'm changing your diaper and dressing you

When I think you are growing up too fast, I remember the time when you were so little that you had trouble eating and had to go to the hospital. It reminds me to be thankful that you are growing as fast as you are. I want to savor every moment I have with you, but my biggest priority in life is making sure you grow up big — physically and mentally.

I am so glad that we stuck through our issues with breastfeeding. We had a lot of trouble there in the beginning, but now feeding you is easy. In the beginning neither of us knew what we were doing. But now we're both old pros at it. I used to get nervous feeding you around other people or out in public, but eventually I decided that there was nothing more natural in the world than a Mama feeding her baby, and we just do what we need to do when we need to do it. You, my tiny boy, have taught me to feel less ashamed of my body. If my body gave me you, then it's worthy of my love and admiration.

So many firsts this month, and so many more to come.

I love you, my baby boy, Mama

Dear Hank — two months

Dear Hank:

You're lying here beside me as I write this, sleeping peacefully and looking so adorable. I fall more in love with you everyday. I think I must have kissed you at least a million times in these first two months. Sometimes I just can't help myself. I know that someday you might not like my kisses quite as much. :)

Your personality and your little face has blossomed over the past few weeks. You've started smiling in reaction to us, which is just... wow, it's the best thing ever. It wouldn't matter if I had nothing in the world, seeing your smile fills my heart with the most indescribable joy. I hope I never have to go too long without seeing that smile.

You are still a laid-back guy most of the time. Occasionally you can have a bit of a temper. But it's hard being a baby, and I don't blame you for getting mad once in a while. You love when I use a toy to touch your lips and say your name. It almost always brings a smile to your face. You also smile a lot when you're on your changing table. I think you like seeing our faces so close to yours.

You're sleeping better, which is just heavenly. You aren't sleeping through the night yet, but that may start happening soon. This week you're going through a growth spurt and are up every 2 hours or so. Even though I'm tired, I like knowing that you're growing into a big boy. You finally started to fit your 0-3 month clothing a couple of weeks ago.

Reflux was making you miserable for a while, but we finally found a medicine that makes you feel better. You're back to being our happy little guy and not screaming in pain at night. I hated hearing you in pain and would have done anything to help you feel better. Dr. Collison is your doctor and he helped us figure out what was bothering you. We also discovered you are sensitive to dairy and corn, which means I have to give those things up for a while. You are the only person in the world I would happily give up cheese for!

We've done some traveling this month: to your Nana and Papa's house for a "Meet Baby Hank" party with your Mama's family, and you danced at your first wedding in Maryland when your Aunt Christie and Uncle Jamie got married. You generally like car rides and will either sleep or look contentedly out the window. This coming weekend we'll be traveling to Edinboro, PA so your Daddy's family can all celebrate your arrival as well!

I think the happiest part of your day is bath time, which is Daddy's specialty. He fills the tub up with warm water all the way to the top every night. You make the cutest surprised face when he puts you in. You stay in there for 20-30 minutes and just kick your legs around the whole time with a happy face on. We think you will be a good swimmer next year.

Now that fall is here, I find myself so excited to start sharing the seasons and holiday traditions with you. You make everything feel more special and exciting because we get to share it with you.

*forehead kiss*

I love you, my little one, Mama

Dear Hank - one month

One month ago I gave birth to the most handsome and sweet little boy. We named him Hank. Before he was even born I decided I wanted to steal an idea from Emily over at The Culinary Couple. Emily writes a letter to her son Sam every month on the anniversary of his birth. I'd like to do the same for Hank.

We've setup a gmail account and I'll be sending his letters there. I'd also like to share them here so his family and friends can follow along.

Without further ado, here's my one-month letter to Hank.

. . .

Dear Hank:

I can't believe you are one month old. It feels like you've been here for only the blink of an eye. At the same time it feels like you've been here all along.

You were born on 8-8-12 at 9:02 in the morning via cesarean at Mount Nittany Medical Center. You weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz. I was induced the day before at 37 weeks gestation and labored throughout the night. I made it to 10 cm dilation and even got to push for 15 minutes. But your heart rate was dropping during contractions, and the doctor didn't want to take any chances. So she recommended we do a c-section. Your Dad and Aunt Stacey looked kinda scared as they prepped me for surgery, but I wasn't scared. I knew in my heart that you and I would both be okay.

I waited anxiously as they worked to bring you out, and your Daddy stayed at my head. He had tears in his eyes and told me he was so proud of me. I knew that he would be the first of the two of us to see you, so he had my big fancy camera with him. When you were out, I heard you cry, and in that moment I fell in love with you. I didn't even need to see you. Your cry was like nothing I had ever heard before. It was like I already knew you.

Your Dad got to cut the umbilical cord and watch as they cleaned you up. He took some pictures of you and brought the camera back to show me what you looked like. We both cried as I looked at you. You were as cute as a button, even with your cry face on.

Then they let Daddy bring you over to see me before going back to the nursery. I could barely see your face through all the blankets. I longed to hold you, but knew I'd have to wait an hour or so before that would happen. We both had to get cleaned up a bit before we would be reunited. But your Daddy stayed with you the whole time.

Feeding you has been an adventure. You were such a little guy that you had a hard time breastfeeding at first. You were great at latching on, but just couldn't get enough food because you weren't quite strong enough. We even ended up back in the hospital so you could get an IV to help make you strong again. It took 3 tries for them to get an IV going on you because you were so tiny, but you were a brave boy throughout all of it.

After we left the hospital (the second time), feeding you was a long process that involved nursing for 30-45 minutes, supplementing through a supplemental tube system or a bottle, and then Mommy pumped milk for you for another 20-30 minutes. We would do all of this every 2-3 hours, and it took about 90 minutes to do all of it. So Mommy and Daddy were pretty exhausted, but we knew it wasn't going to last forever… just until you were strong enough to nurse all on your own.

Your Daddy and I both love you so much. We spend a lot of time just looking at you. We laugh at the faces you make and the things you do. You make what I call your "lawyer face" a lot… your lips purse tightly and your eyebrows raise and it looks like you are silently judging everyone. You also make smiley faces a lot. Whether it's gas or a real smile, we're not sure — but it's cute either way. You have the longest fingers and toes. You often stick your legs out straight while you're eating and curl your toes under. I find it so adorable. You grab onto us when you're being fed or cuddled, and you even pull your Daddy's chest hair when you're upset. It makes him scream but then he laughs at you. You already entertain us, and you're not even talking or moving yet.

Your sister Sophie loves you very much, too. She watches over you and protects you. She always checks the bassinet to see if you are in it, and sniffs you while you are sleeping. She gets anxious when you cry, though she is getting used to the sound of it. If we let her, she'd lick your face and hands all the time, but we only let her get in a few licks now and then. You don't seem to mind. She's just biding her time until you start eating solid foods and can sneak her treats under the table like Nana and Opa do.

We named you Hank because it was a name that your Daddy and I both loved, even before we were married. We love that your name is a name you can grow into someday.You do have quite a few nicknames already including:

• Mr. Hank (pronounced "Midder Hank")
• Puju
• Bugaboo/Rugaboo
• the bean
• little nugget
• burrito boy (when you're in your swaddle)
• Mister Hankles

You look just like your Daddy and Opa Sollman. One of our friends even said, "It looks like somebody left Rick in the dryer too long!" and that about sums it up. In fact, we had other plans for your middle name, but you looked so much like Daddy and Opa that we decided to name you Richard after them.

You also act just like your Daddy. You are really laid back and happy most of the time. When you get upset, it's usually for a good reason. It takes you a good while to wake up from a nap (just like Daddy in the morning). You also make man-sized farts and burps that truly rival your Daddy's. It makes him proud, and I just shake my head.

Our first month together hasn't always been easy, but we wouldn't change it for anything. The rough spots have helped our little family bond. We're in this together. And the sweet spots... well, life just doesn't get any sweeter than it is right now. Even when we're sleep-deprived and exhausted and smelly from not having time to shower and our house is a wreck — we are so happy. We can't believe how lucky we are to be your parents.

Love you so much, Mommy

hospital photos taken by your Daddy Sophie photo taken by your Aunt Christie one month photo taken by Mommy 

On pregnancy...

I've been ignoring this space lately, and it's not for a good reason. I was all excited to get this site up and running last year so I could share freely about all of the little aspects of my life. But lately it's a place I've been avoiding. Let me explain.

On Christmas Eve 2011, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. Again. And we were thrilled! Oh, but not too thrilled. Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage just before the end of the first trimester. It was sad, but not uncommon, and we got through it. We learned our lesson about keeping the news to ourself for a while and decided to be excited but not too excited — "cautiously optimistic" so to speak. That's a really hard thing to do. It's kind of like getting a present you really wanted but constantly thinking to yourself, "I might have to give it back."

So being pregnant is naturally a big life deal, and something I wanted to talk about. But I felt very wary about jinxing anything. So I avoided writing about my life because it just felt like I had to ignore the elephant in the room, and I'm not good at that.

I'm about 6 months along now (due in August) and it's a boy. Things are going well and I feel really good, but things have been a little tricky. I had some hemorrhaging occur while we were on vacation back in February. And so at every appointment after that I fully expected not to hear a heartbeat. "No FH." No fetal heartbeat. That's what they call it.

I also developed what appeared to be pre-eclampsia around 19/20 weeks. I was sent to Hershey Medical Center to see a high-risk doctor. The doctors are still keeping a close eye on me and the baby. But for some mysterious reason, my numbers for both blood pressure and protein in the urine have gone down. This is a good thing, and I hope it continues to trend that way. But I am mentally prepared to be put on bed rest and/or deliver early if things start to go back the other way.

The good stuff is so very good. I love being pregnant, and have had a relatively easy time of it aside from the health issues above. I get nauseous now and then, but it's usually helped by chewing gum or taking TUMS. (I live on TUMS.) I have learned to listen to my body when it comes to being tired or hungry. If I'm tired, I rest and take it easy. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat. It's amazing that — at 33 years old — I am just now learning to do those things. It's amazing how differently we care for ourselves when there's another human living inside us whose life we value more than our own. I get sad that I didn't place that same value on my own health/life any sooner. I was somebody's baby once too, after all.

The past six-months of my pregnancy in list-form.

Things I love:

• feeling him kick and move (so comforting when you're a worry-wart)
• finding baby clothes on clearance
• Motherhood Maternity's plus-size maternity jeans (who knew jeans could be comfortable?!)
• TUMS Freshers
• my Snoogle
• looking at Rick and daydreaming about what kind of father he'll be

Food cravings:

• Jell-o
• baked potatoes
• cheese puffs
• fruit (grapes, cantaloupes, strawberries)
• beer (of course I don't fully indulge this one, but I will occasionally take a sip from Rick's beer)

Things I miss:

• sleeping on my stomach
• wine
• not having heartburn, acid reflux, constipation, or diarrhea #TMI
• crystal meth (KIDDING!)

It feels good to be a little more open about this. One of my core values is openness, and so anytime I have to keep my mouth shut about something it eats away at me and makes me feel like I'm not being myself. So here's to me being myself again... and keeping it that way.

Do you believe in jinxes? Ever had to keep a lid on something you absolutely wished you could talk about? Do tell.