It's raining today. I have some time to sit down and get this blog started. The rain has always made me happy. I love the way it sounds, and I love how it makes the world feel clean and even a little sexy.
Over a year ago, I was part of a small group of individuals taking an intensive course on Tribal Leadership. It was life-changing, to say the least. One of the assignments we had was to write our own obituary. We were learning how to live a designed life, one of intention. Writing our obituary would help us to see where we want to end up.
I wasn't expecting the assignment to be hard, until I sat down to do it. The more I wrote the harder I cried.
I am not sure what was more emotional:
- the thought of me dying someday, and leaving behind people I love
- the fact that I was hiding from my dreams, staying safe by doing things that didn't challenge me and didn't make me feel alive
After I was finished, I took a deep breath. Over the next few minutes the tears gave way to an almost euphoric satisfaction. I wish I could explain how this felt, but I don't know if it's explainable. When you take the time to write down how you envision your life going — without any constraints about what you are capable of doing — there is a peace and a sanity that washes over you.
The hard part was writing it. Now, I just had to start doing those things.
So here it is. It's not perfect, and I think if I were to write it again today I would change a few things. But that's not important. What's important is that instead of seeing myself as a passenger in my own life, I now see myself as the driver. I can go where I want to.
Those of you who know me know that I did quit my job. I did start that company. It took about 1,000 baby steps to get there, and it was not easy. But I knew where I was going.